>Ladies and gentlemen, the Sean Rose well is beginning to run dry. Have you noticed? Have you noticed that, despite being halfway through the month already, I’ve only been able to drudge up a whopping TWO posts?? Dear Lord, the music world is crumbling around me. I can’t think of anything to write about anymore. No stupid piddly little semi-obscure albums from the late 70’s to drool over. I can’t think of any more that would be shocking or original or show off my fantastically broad musical tastes without making me look like a self-important jackass.
So here’s my attempt to be modern: I’m listening to the new Oasis album. That’s the best I can do. No modern indie, no Vampire Weekend or Hold Steady or any of those hot young studs. Jesus, a Lil Wayne review would probably be more relevant to rock ‘n roll than friggin’ Oasis right now. BUT HERE I AM LISTENING TO NEW OASIS FOR SOME REASON.
I don’t even listen to Oasis. I kind of like “Cigarettes and Alcohol” as a guilty pleasure, even though (read: because?) it blatantly steals the main riff from “Bang a Gong.” “Some Might Say” and “Don’t Look Back In Anger” are still good songs. “She’s Electric” is a cute number. “Wonderwall” isn’t that great because Liam Gallagher has kind of an asshole of a voice – I don’t know why they didn’t have Noel sing more songs. His voice is much nicer!! But no, they stuck with Liam. Have you ever heard him sing the word “shine”? He sings it like “SHYYYYYYYYEENE.” It gets on your nerves after a while.
Listen, it’s OK if you sound like an asshole when you sing. Steve Malkmus sounds like an asshole 90 percent of the time and I love his voice to death. Liam Gallagher though, nahh. I don’t buy it.
How ’bout a quick Dig Out Your Soul questionnaire? I bet you are dying to hear about the new Oasis record.
DO OASIS STILL SUCK?
I guess so?
IS THERE AN EQUIVALENT TO “LYLA” ON THIS ALBUM?
WHAT ARE THE STANDOUTS ON THIS RECORD?
“Shock of Lightning” is okay. Everything else sounds drenched in Britpopian murk right now.
WHAT ARE THE SURE-FIRE STINKERS ON THIS RECORD?
Listen, I’ve never heard anything past Be Here Now. I don’t know Oasis. I’m not an Oasexpert. If you are an Oasis scholar, like those guys at allmusic or something, please send me and e-mail and let me know if the new Oasis record stands up to their earlier work. To me it’s all runtogether.
HAVE YOU EVEN FINISHED LISTENING TO THE RECORD YET?
WELL OK, LET’S TALK ABOUT YOU, SEAN. WHAT MUSICAL BUSINESS HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO RECENTLY??
Well let’s take a look at my iTunes Recently Added, shall we??
Oasis – Dig Out Your Soul: Yeah moving on
AC/DC – Let There Be Rock: “Whole Lotta Rosie” is pretty rad. But then there’s “Problem Child” which I already have off Dirty Deeds? Why American record labels??
Vertical Horizon – “Best I Ever Had”: A classic VH ballad I completely forgot about. This song makes me realize that the 90’s alt-rock movement eventually turned into a more boring version of pop metal. This song could’ve easily been a Poison song. And probably would’ve been more exciting!!
AC/DC – Powerage: No not again.
AC/DC – Highway To Hell: YEAHHHHHHH
Big Black – Atomizer: Cool SCREECH SCREECH ARRGH album. But I haven’t heard it in a while. Steve Albini might be kind of a cynical dlick but he’s got a good sense of riffage! Just loud and noisy and all that.
Maybe I should amp up this blog. I’m getting more readership. My hits have been up to almost 100 people per day. Sure, they’re mostly people who are mistakenly referred here from a Michael Jackson album cover and stick around for less than or equal to five seconds a person, but HEY. MAKE I CAN MAKE THEM STICK AROUND!!
DO YOU LIKE FUNNY PICTURES??
TODAY IS YOUR LUCKY DAY!!
Bottom Line: Oasis. They’re Oasis. They have a new album out. I stopped listening to it. It’s alright I guess. If anybody wants to listen to the rest of the record after the “Falling Down” song, please send in your fantastic e-review. I would love to hear it.
Next week: More reminiscings on old video games I played as a kid that you probably don’t give a shit about! GET EXCITED!!